I saw Freddie before I saw the others. He was running up the beach. The sun was on his back. It looked like sweat or light or both.
My heart sank. I hadn’t meant to see them. I’d been avoiding it. I knew they didn’t hate me. I hadn’t done anything wrong, not really. I had just been honest.
But shame doesn’t care about reason. It just lives in you. I already had enough to carry, thirty-seven years gone. I didn’t need more.
Still, I walked toward them. I didn’t want to. I hoped maybe something would stop me. Nothing did. I reached them.
No one said anything at first. I don’t remember who spoke. The talk was empty. It hurt anyway.
I knew why. It wasn’t because I’d done something to them. It was because I’d done it to myself. You try, you fight, and then you still fall.
She looked sad too. Not for me, but I felt her ghosts. We never said why. The sun was gone, and it felt like it.
So I left. The bag pulled on my shoulder. The sky went pink. The air turned cold fast.
Fuck this town. It and I had ruined my energy. And I was tired of holding on to what already let go.